You can totally make sex toys work with a relationship
There’s an old misconception out there that a vibrator is a girl’s best friend - but only if she’s going solo. This notion has been spread far and wide by both modern media and the sex toy industry – with the acronym BOB (or ‘Battery Operated Boyfriend) suggesting that toys are only ever useful and appropriate if they’re filling a void that a relationship would otherwise provide.
We’re inclined to disagree.
That being said, we totally get it – when you’re in an already happy and healthy relationship then why should you want to introduce something different in to the mix? What if it really does replace something in your sex life or, worst, what if it leaves you permanently unable to enjoy sex any other way?
TWIXXT is here today to address all of these concerns while also helping you realize just how great toys can be.
Fears of Replacement
This is perhaps the most common apprehension when it comes to sex toys and is usually felt by male individuals, though not exclusively.
‘If I’m enough, then why do we need something else?’
It’s not a silly question, at all, and plays in to a general human fear of inadequacy or (to go back to our caveman brain) being displaced in the tribe.
But let us put it this way – does going out for a nice meal out take anything away from the charm of home cooking? Does going on an all-exclusive holiday resort mean that you suddenly have no attachment or appreciation for home-sweet-home? Of course not!
Just because we sometimes try something different, use assistance in an experience, or just generally ‘shake it up’ doesn’t detract or take any value away from what we already have.
In that same way, toys are not something intended to replace a partner. Instead, they offer an alternative experience that can exist alongside what you already do and, who knows, maybe even provide a better experience than a five-stars all-inclusive get away…though we can’t promise that.
Desensitized For Life?
One of the other big fears that we hear is that sex toys will in some way ‘damage’ the body: That a vibrator will stop the nerves in the vulva from being sensitive or that a large dildo will permanently stretch a person out.
We are glad to say that these urban legends have been thoroughly debunked.
Vibrators might speed up the process of climax (thus making use without them seem longer than usual at first) but there is nothing about them that will, in any way, damage or desensitize the body.
As it happens, two studies by Indiana University found that vibrator use isn’t just common among couples (with 53% of women using it during sex) but that using sex toys during partnered sex is actually linked to a more positive and caring relationship with one’s own sexual health. How awesome is that?!
As for being stretched out, the vagina is a very flexible area of the body and it is able to extend and contract readily to meet the demands it has evolved for. Vaginas even naturally expand and contract in different ways during one’s menstrual cycle, so a little bit of variation is normal and expected. A dildo is not going to make a difference to one’s vaginal tightness, as part of the sexual process is literally to widen in order to accommodate internal objects (such as penises and dildos).
If you are worried, however, then it might be worth investing in your kegel exercises – though this is a good practice anyways.
The Benefits of Joint Sex Toy Use
Okay, so using a sex toy together won’t wreck your relationship or your body, but what about that first question: why introduce toys in to the mix when you’re already perfectly happy?
Well, why change anything at all if what we already have makes us perfectly a-okay?
The answer is simple: Variety is the spice of life and just because one is happy with the way things are doesn’t mean that we always want to live in the exact same way doing the exact same thing forever and ever.
Plus, as we said above, sex toys have been shown to be incredibly beneficial to relationships, not just working to bring people closer together (as you explore new aspects to your relationship and learn a new way to trust each other), but also in inspiring a sense of personal sexual confidence and happiness which can easily translate to improved sex in the bedroom together.
Sex toys are not replacements, rather they are supplemental items, sexual wellness products, and, in some occasions, enhancement tools. Like walking vs. cycling vs. a car, they offer us new ways to experience and traverse the world of our sexual selves and to grow and discover together.
I mean, yes – you both know how you act and interact when doing various positions in the bedroom – but add a sex toy in to the mix? Suddenly there’s a new element to what you’re doing and the way that you navigate and experience that toy in the moment will create new dynamics and memories. It is, to be frank, thrilling in the same way that a first date is.
Expect your hearts to pound.
So What Are You Waiting For!
Time to talk to your partner and alleviate any of their own fears that they might also have about sex toys.
Approach the topic in a caring, understanding, and empathetic manner and emphasize the benefits that you want to explore with them.
Take the time to unpack your feelings about toys together and you’ll soon be embracing and enjoying them together too.
What a buzz!